July was a really rough month for me. The month actually started off great. I has signed a lease on my new office, was seeing a lot of clients, and having a general all-around good time. Then, around the middle of the month I started feeling icky and not myself.
The fun and excitement of my new office quickly became a real hassle. I was given money from the landlord to build a kitchenette and was responsible for overseeing the construction. The budget was really tight and I wound up spending a lot of time finding contractors to do the various stages of work. Plumbers are apparently a really hot commodity in Austin. I kept telling people that today's youth need to become trades people, because plumbers were booked months out.
Physically, I was feeling really "off" as well, and had underlying anxiety every day. I kept trying to shift myself out of the negative feeling, to tell myself that I was doing something brand new (leasing an office) and that I was learning things that may be valuable to me in the future in some way that's not apparent to me now.
If I get in a funk, it's never for more than a day. But this was over a week where I just felt "blah."
I knew that there was a ton of energy shifting at that time, as we neared a lunar eclipse on July 27th. I talked with others who, like me, are susceptible to planetary changes. A lot of people were feeling really, really out of sorts. But, that knowledge didn't really help me feel better. I kept thinking "Yeah, but I'm an energy healer. I'm not supposed to be in a bad mood and cranky for over a week. I'm supposed to be able to shift myself out of this."
The day after the eclipse, I started to feel better. I started to feel more joyous and positive each day. After I started to feel more like a normal person, I had a big realization.
Just because I'm an energy healer doesn't mean I'm not going to feel bad. It doesn't mean I'm only going to have the "ups." Of course I'm going to have the "downs" too, because I'm human. What I had done to myself was defaulted to an old pattern of perfectionism, and I was beating myself up over not behaving and feeling how I thought I was supposed to be. When perfectionism is at play, we have the unreasonable expectation that we have to get everything right. It isn't about things actually being perfect; it's about thinking things should be perfect.
Because I'm a healer and spiritual teacher, I thought I had to be like a Buddha on a mountain -- all peace and harmony. That is pretty silly, if you think about it. So now, I'm reminded to just be me and acknowledge my feelings instead of dismissing them, judging them or pushing them away.
If you struggle with perfectionism in your life, and are tired of it "running the show," I'd love to work with you in some one-on-one sessions.